i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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