after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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