just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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