dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
