This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
