Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
