So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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