I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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