I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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