im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
