i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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