Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
