dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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