ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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