I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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