Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
