I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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