I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
