You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
