I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
