All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
