my being single is dangerous.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
