Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
