Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
