I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
