I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
