If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
