i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
