can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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