I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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