I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
