I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am one with the molecules
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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