On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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