I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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