When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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