are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dear god my vagina.
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