he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
