xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
