he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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