we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
