is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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