i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
