Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
