Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
