Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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