I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
