my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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