matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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