I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
whose parrot is this?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
