Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
